Smile
by LivingForTheFish
Summary: Sherlock didn't smile often, nobody was bothered by it or cared but it was still odd. He just didn't seem to find that same joy in things but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to feel it.


**Smile?**

Sherlock didn't smile often. John never really thought about it until Sherlock feel into suck a dark mood as to stay on the couch for over fourth eight hours without reason and stare at anything that moved. It's not something someone really notices often and most would expect it from someone wo deals murder everyday but John knew that Sherlock was so much more complicated. Sherlock was never an easy person.

Whenever people laughed at stupid jokes or kitten videos he'd spare a confused look before just frowning at the ground in a somewhat sad look. Lestrade always tried to get him to laugh or give a genuine smile but he'd just give that confused look and roll his eyes. Sometimes John could make him laugh and he'd smile. Most often he'd provide a fake smile that could swipe over his face in seconds and then fall away even faster, that was usually when someone was worrying about him which was most of the time. John didn't care for a fake smile though, he cared that his friend was happy. A case could get him to smile usually until he got there when he'd have the most neutral expression a man could have. It would make one wonder if Sherlock knew how to be happy.

So John tried to make him smile. He sat beside him silently during those dark moods and brought him tea and biscuits. He would turn the TV onto a show Sherlock liked on a low volume, tell him about his day even if he didn't respond. Sometimes his company was enough for the detective, he'd return to reality at night and wordlessly get on with an experiment or some other activity. Sometimes the company was enough but sometimes it wasn't. Sometimes Sherlock would remain mute for days and refuse food, be the victim to relentless insomnia. He would stare at the wall on the couch the only sound he would make being shallow breaths. He'd be dead to the world. John hated those times.

He hated them more than Sherlock hated talking about them. He would skip work just to make sure he wasn't stuck alone. If he invited or even dared let anyone in Sherlock would nervously sit there for a few minutes before practically running to his room. Mrs Hudson wasn't even allowed in on the really bad ones. John felt himself unable to smile sometimes and would have to remind himself that Sherlock needed him. But worse than that was apparently this was just Sherlock's usual things according to Mycroft and he couldn't care less. While John would patiently take care of him until he was back to normal Mycroft just let him deal with it. At time, admittedly it did feel like he'd rather do the same but Sherlock was thankful, sometimes he could say it sometimes he couldn't.

All John wanted to know was why. Why did Sherlock have to be so independent? Why did he have to take the world all on his own, why couldn't he understand that people wanted to help him. John didn't ask though because Sherlock was a fragile person, he couldn't take much. He put all his walls up and for John he put them down to show that fragility. John could see when his friend was at breaking point. When they had come into New Scotland Yard after a case to the sounds of some officers laughing at stories about drunken nights. When Sherlock seemed to hold himself in crossed arms and thin lips.

"Why is everyone so happy?" Sherlock asked sounding a bit like a scared little child as his eyes locked with John's for a second like he would have all the answers. "Why are they smiling and laughing like that? What do they find so interesting or funny?"

John smile sympathetically, of course. He didn't understand it. Emotions wasn't his forte and he looked to John for those sorts of things. "Because they find it amusing." He explain as simply as possible but Sherlock shook his head. He didn't accept that answer. "Well what's wrong with my answer."

"It makes, no sense. Why are they so happy? The jokes aren't even that funny." His teeth gritted together and his hand flexed into fists. "Why are they laughing then?"

John bite his lip watching Sherlock's frustration boil behind blue eyes. He wasn't confused at all, he was envious. John knew the difference even if it was hard to spot. Sherlock knew why people laughed and smiled well enough, he would smile whenever he made others smile. Sherlock didn't smile often though, his brain didn't find the same things amusing or interesting, he wasn't everyone else. He wanted to be though, he wanted to find a dog running into glass funny he wanted to laugh at a nonsensical joke rather than getting annoyed it made no sense.

"Sherlock it's okay if you don't find I funny you know. I mean maybe you'll find other things funny."

"It's infuriating."

"It's-"

"No it's not okay!" Sherlock practically yelled making the officers that were so happy before go silent. In fact the whole room was silent and everyone seemed to go on edge with looks towards each other. Exactly what John wanted to avoid, more people who'd call him a freak. He was worked up and confused, and all John could do was bite his lip and wait until he finished.

"Everyone can make everyone else laugh and feel so great but it makes no sense! Whenever I _try_ it doesn't work so why does everyone always find stupid things so amusing? If there was _logic_ this would work but there isn't, if everyone finds it hilarious, why can't I? How come everyone is always smiling?!"

John almost felt like crying himself. He grabbed Sherlock's arm and watched him. "You need to calm down okay?" He seemed like he might have a panic attack. "Take a deep breath."

It took a while but soon Sherlock managed to even his breathing and he realised exactly how worked up he got muttering an almost silent, "I'm sorry."

"You've nothing to apologise for, let's just go home."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

 _Wow, um I don't know what I just wrote. I apologise. This was supposed to be a nice little thing about John making Sherlock smile that turned into my struggles of being unable to make people laugh Sherlock's problem, whoops. I hope you liked it please provide feedback and I might make another chapter in Sherlock's view._


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